


days of pain for a lifetime of happiness

by Skamtrash



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Canon Trans Character, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nervousness, Surgery, Trans Male Character, matteo trying his best to be what david needs, top surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 23:42:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19345093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skamtrash/pseuds/Skamtrash
Summary: So now looking down at his bare chest now, he feels freedom. He feels relief. He feels exhaustion but he feels happiness. He feels like him. He feels like what he always was meant to be and looking up at Matteo, he sees who he's meant to be with. And he hopes the David in every other universe is happy. Is as lucky as he feels at this very moment. With Matteo. And at home in his own body.David gets top surgery





	days of pain for a lifetime of happiness

**Author's Note:**

> they're about 19 in this fic

They spoke of it briefly the first night they slept together. Or the morning of when Matteo asked him but it seemed like something that was far into the future.  Nothing worth thinking about now.

But several years later and after constant emails back and forth with his potential surgeon for a couple weeks, David thinks it's time to tell Matteo. He spoke to Laura about it who's going to help him pay for it. And he'll work the rest of his life if need be to pay her back.

He tells Matteo when they're laying in bed after dinner.

"You know someday I won't need to wear a binder." He says casually. 

Matteo nods passively, not thinking much of it,  "Are you looking forward to that day?"

"Yeah, I think --- I think I'm going to get it soon. "

Matteo's eyes widen as he stares down at David, "What?"

"I've been emailing with the doctor, I'm gonna go in for a consultation."

Matteo sits up, still confused,  "When did you even decide this? Why are you just telling me?"

"I wasn't sure it was going to happen but Laura is going to help me out with payments." He explains 

Matteo's brows shoot up as he looks down at his lap.  David sits up,  looking up at his boyfriend,  "What's wrong? What are you thinking? "

"Nothing, I'm happy for you" He smiles. "Just wish I knew in the beginning,  want to be there every step of the way"

David pouts fondly and gives him a quick kiss,  "This is still the beginning,  I'll need you to support me. "

.

When David's surgery is actually scheduled, Matteo knows he's anxious. He's been quieter than usual,  not interacting much,  very much in his own head. 

When David is cooking dinner two days before, Matteo walks into the kitchen and wraps his arms around him,  "Smells really good."

"You okay?" He ask when David doesn't reply. Again no reply.

"I know you're really anxious." He says softly. "I didn't know what to do to make you feel better so I watched some videos of people who have gotten the surgery. Some people write letters to themselves, it's nice to read back. Remember how you're feeling now, remind yourself why it's worth it. Think it could be a good idea"

David turns around in his arms and nods, kissing him. "Want me to finish up the food?" Matteo asks.

David nods and leaves to go write the letter. When Matteo brings him his food, he's crying silently.

Matteo immediately places the food on their dresser and climbs onto the bed,  wrapping himself around David, "Did you finish?"

"Yeah, want you to read it" He sniffs.

Matteo sits beside him as he picks the paper off the bed, 

_Dear David,_

_You're going to have top surgery soon and you're freaking out. Worried about not waking up,  about the pain, about it not looking how you always dreamed though you'll have one of the best doctors. But as scary as it is, it's the right decision.  It'll be worth it. No more suffocating, no more hunching over to hide,  you can finally breathe, take your shirt off with pride, with confidence. You don't have to feel shame about it anymore.  You'll get out of surgery and be reminded of all the support you have. How good you feel, knowing you have the best boyfriend, sister and friends supporting you.  13 year old David is so proud of you. You can do this!_

Matteo looks up at David with teary eyes,  "I love you" 

"Love you too" Matteo pushes David back and lies him back on the bed,  "Love you so fucking much" and kisses him.

.

The morning of, David is quiet as expected but Matteo can't shut up.  He wakes up first with a big smile on his face, reminding David that it's the day.  They shower and eat breakfast and Matteo is so happy for him and David will be happy too, as soon as its over. He tells Matteo to relax because it's making him more anxious. They meet his sister there and she provides comforting words that David very much needs right now.

When David is on the hospital bed with a gown in, suddenly it feels so real and Matteo is not as cheery as he was a couple hours ago.

When it's time for the surgery, Matteo kisses him not wanting to separate.

"We need to get him to the next room." The surgeon says. Matteo pulls back and presses his forehead to his,  "Love you so much,  promise you'll wake up." Matteo says seriously. 

"It'll be okay,  I love you" David says it to Matteo though he's not too sure he believes it himself. Everything is out of his hands. And just like that,  they're rolling him out on a stretcher.

"Fuck" Matteo says nervously as he turns around biting on his nail as Laura reassures him it's going to be okay. 

Matteo nods though he's still nervous and needs to destroy something. He kicks the wall but immediately apologizes when a doctor walks by.

.

It's two and a half painful hours of Matteo and Laura waiting, impatiently. Their friends join the two in the waiting room the last hour. Jonas tries to calm down Matteo's shaking leg but he clearly doesn't want to be bothered so Jonas shuts up. 

When the nurse comes out and tells them they can come back, Matteo immediately jumps up and Laura follows as their friends give them privacy. As they're walking back into the room, the nurse warns them that David is still waking up and is a little tired. 

Matteo holds back his tears when he sees David in the bed with his eyes falling close and the bandage wrapped around his body. 

He walks to one side of the bed and gently takes David's hand which causes the exhausted boy to look up.  He gives a weak smile up at Matteo who gives him a gentle kiss on his forehead, "So glad you're okay."

"He was freaking out" Laura says from the other side of the bed. 

Matteo jokingly rolls his eyes and looks back down at David, "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. Can't move" He groans.

"Go back to sleep.  You need to rest" So David does. Matteo keeps his hand interlocked with Davids as he sleeps. He talks to him while he's asleep and kisses the back of his hand and stares at David's wrapped up chest, knowing he's going to be so excited when he's conscious enough to realize.

David wakes up again about an hour later, more energized the second time around. He looks down at his hand interlocked with Matteo's and tightens his hand in his boyfriend's.

"Hi." Matteo smiles.

David smiles and Matteo stands up and hugs him gently, "You havent looked down yet..."

"Im nervous." He chuckles, quickly stops himself, feeling the pain as he laughs. 

Matteo kisses his lips and kisses his cheek, "You can do it."  Matteo holds David hands and watches him work himself up to look.  When he finally looks down, his eyes instantly well up. His free hand comes up to cover his mouth as he stares down at his flat chest. He brings his hand up to his chest, lightly touching the bandage and looking up at Matteo with tears rolling down his face.

His boyfriend is smiling down at him proudly, "You did it." 

David starts crying harder and Matteo buries his face in his hair, "So proud of you."

David spends some time crying and Matteo asks him how he's feeling. They talk a little bit before Matteo tells him their friends are in the waiting room and if he's feeling comfortable enough to have people come see him which he accepts. Matteo stays by Davids side, telling their friends not to hug him, he doesnt trust all of them to be as gentle as David needs. Things are great and its heartwarming for David to see all the support and love that's around him. It's euphoric despite the discomfort.

.

David is elated to finally go home, though he does need to have the bandages on for a week but it still feels good to finally leave the hospital. The hardest part is done. 

For the first couple of hours back home, David is trying to tidy up their apartment but Matteo is getting mad at him, telling him to relax and to stop moving. He ignores him and insists he's fine but Matteo holds him by his waist, "You need to relax, I'm not kidding."

David rolls his eyes and lies on the couch and they rest for the rest of the day and Matteo brings him food. David insists they order delivery because he's not eating Matteo's shitty sandwiches for a week.

.

The next morning, David is in immediate pain. His abdomen is aching, his body feels tight and he feels like he can barely move. He grips onto the sheets as he tries to lift himself to sit up on the bed. He calls Matteo who comes walking into the room, messily eating a granola bar but immediately stops when he sees the pained look on his boyfriend's face, "What's wrong?" 

"It hurts." He chokes out. "So fucking much."

Matteo scurries to get his pain medication the surgeon prescribed and a glass of water. He sits on the bed and gives David his pills, "It'll be over in a couple days."

David nods and lies back down after taking his medicine. He holds his hand out for Matteo to join him. Matteo lies down on the bed and gives David a kiss, "I love you so much."

"I love you too." He grimaces through the aches. 

.

The next day, David wakes up crying. It's Monday so he figures Matteo went to class and he just has to get through several hours alone. The pain only feels worst than yesterday and he even contemplates if it was all even worth it, it hurts so much. He just wants to get the bandage off, he wants to shower, he wants to cuddle with his boyfriend without being in pain. He hates this

He crawls out of bed, needing to get his pills. He slowly walks into the kitchen and sees Matteo on the couch with his headphones on. When he looks up at his boyfriend, Matteo drops the headphones off and jumps up, "Hey, you're up."

"Why arent you at school?" He chokes out through his tears.

"I'm not leaving you alone."  Matteo says as he gets the pills that he knows David was after, "Let's go." He takes David's hand and brings him to the couch since it's closer. 

After he swallows the pills, he says to Matteo, "I dont want you missing school."

Matteo rolls his eyes, not even wanting to hear it, "Fuck school right now, I want to be here with you. I wont be able to focus there anyway."

David nods and lets his boyfriend take care of him, "I dont know if it was worth it, I feel like shit."

"Stop. Dont say that, you've been wanting this for a while, it's a couple days of pain for a lifetime of happiness." He finds the letter David wrote himself pre-op. 

"Remind yourself why you did this." David reads it and has to remind himself of his words for the next couple of days.

_it's the right decision._

_No more suffocating_

_13 year old David is so proud of you._

_You can do this!_

_._

David is back in the hospital to get the bandages and gauze removed.  _Finally._  It feels like it's been months but its only been a week and he cannot fucking wait to see the chest he's always dreamed of. 

When the bandage finally comes off, he's so nervous. His heart is pounding out of his chest and he just keeps looking at Matteo, too afraid to look.

"How does it look?" He ask him nervously.

"It looks good." Matteo gives him a soft smile. 

David does it.  He takes the plunge and looks down at his bare chest, his flat chest. He thinks about growing up, when he came out to Laura, when he had to start wearing a binder because his chest started growing and she bought him his first, the dysphoria he felt constantly by looking at them in the mirror, he flashes back to not being able to ever take his shirt off around his guy friends in the summer while they were all shirtless, at the beach, these moments play in his head. All the times, his body was holding him back from enjoying himself. He thinks about the moments he first met Matteo, about how he constantly hunched around him, scared he'll see, about when he stayed over his place and the morning after they made out all night, they were play fighting and Matteo got too close to his chest for comfort and was willing to break Matteo's arms that night to avoid him feeling him. He thinks about how he kept his binder on the first time they had sex but Matteo, after learning more, encouraged David not to because its not good for him or his body and Matteo did everything he could to make him feel comfortable, as at home in his own body as he possibly could when they were intimate.

So now looking down at his bare chest now, he feels freedom. He feels relief. He feels exhaustion but he feels happiness. He feels like him. He feels like what he always was meant to be and looking up at Matteo, he sees who he's meant to be with. And he hopes the David in every other universe is happy. Is as lucky as he feels at this very moment. With Matteo. And at home in his own body.


End file.
